The stage is set. We’re about to begin.
They ask for my most valued possession.
I open the bidding at an appetizing number.
They eat it up, licking their lips and smiling at one another.
Like they know something I don’t.
You patiently wait until the auction reaches an astronomical amount no one would dream of paying.
My eyes grow wide at the price the world will give me for my heart.
The bidding stalls at a mountain top number and the gavel is about to drop.
My clawed fingertips press into my sunken chest, blood pouring out of the five holes they are making.
It’s killing me, but think of what I’ll have; I will have gained the world.
My hand punctures deep and closes around my heart.
The warmth of it on my palm.
A farewell handshake, as what keeps me awake departs.
The fluids surrounding my heart leak out and run down my arm.
The crowd grimaces and mothers cover their children’s eyes.
It’s a gruesome ritual everyone has become accustomed to.
White-faced, I fall to my knees, clutching my still-beating heart.
Head bowed I hold it up for the soon to be announced new owner.
Going once, twice, thrice.
The gavel comes down, but an instant before it makes a sound another bidder steps forward from the back of the room.
People twist around in their wooden benches.
Lawyers, stable boys, and wenches look to see where the voice came from.
Through shouts and commotion, His soft voice is always heard.
He doesn’t offer riches and gold, but a soul.
“My life for his.”
I was so close to obtaining everything on this beautiful, blue planet.
Yes, He is a shining light, but these treasures are bright too.
In a panic to delay my heart’s destination, I try to put it back in the spot from which it came.
But the hole in my chest has changed its shape.
It doesn’t fit anymore and I can’t return it to its home.
I’m here on this stand with a now forced hand.
A choice has to be made, but God I’m so afraid.
So I split.
On my way out, I knock over the pulpit.
He let’s me go and I catch His glance as I peel by leaving a trail of unsigned documents.
I know He will never take it from me.
Still, I’m stealing my heart from Him and running into places I never thought I’d go.
The hollowed out hole in my chest makes an odd sound as I run.
It belongs to Him and I still carry on.
But I mean well.
I mean, well, look at the state I’m in.
I’m a madman, so I’ll give it back when I’ve become a more ideal person.
And dusted off the blemishes, until my heart glows and looks nice.
Present a gift I can be proud of.
But for right now, I gotta get away.
Make it to my hideout, before it gets dark.
I head for the city of thieves.
Questioning if this is right, my legs won’t listen.
They pump like pistons in a hell-bent machine.
I don’t like where this is going.
I won’t let this happen.
I must let Him find me.
Gripping my heart so tight, I leave a blood trail behind for my Pursuer to follow.
Oh, how weak my spirit to have let my flesh take me this far.
Finally, I skid to a halt, sitting in a dark corner of myself.
Gazing into my slowly pumping heart, this is what You died for?
I’m on pace to be two-faced.
One a smile, who wants to be found, to be known.
The other, expressionless and heartless.
Alarmed by my capabilities for such great evil, a sinking impression.
Now it feels like all the King’s horses and all the King’s men couldn’t put me back together again.
I don’t want myself. You can have him.
He’s all I’ve ever had. And he’s all that has ever separated us.
I can try to exist without You. Yell and scream at the gates I locked myself.
I can run into the abyss within and become hideous in my hiding, wondering where the light switch went.
Drink black well water from a rusted bucket.
Let starvation work its way up from my stomach and into my brain.
Clench fists and turn it all off.
Give in to indifference, the worst kind of existence.
Become numb again.
Lose control, get mad at the world.
Handcuff my wrist to the wheel and sink this ship to the bottom of the ocean.
Lose focus until I turn cross-eyed and can’t figure out which way is topside.
My senses went down with the key I swallowed.
I don’t seem to get tired of drowning, just upset that the water swishes my view blurry.
But don’t worry, because I never do.
The bright side of these dark waters, is doubt gets choked out.
Unfearing, I sit cross-legged on the submerged deck, clinging to hope with my free hand.
I hold in my breath and just think.
The sea keeps time, counting the revolutions of the earth, while I count on a promised revelation.
But You don’t pity my shipwreck, so why should I?
My one man crew became part of the ship, in which, entrenched, I sit.
My heart is the key I ingested.
The key to my handcuffs – the way of surrender.
It’s always a choice.
My longing heart looks up and sings to the horizon.
It opens its mouth and calls out, “I miss You.”
Running is not surrender.
What lies in the deep, won’t be still for much longer.
Awaken what is sleeping in me.
I give to You what has always been Yours.
Take my heart and give me something better than the world.
I resurface into my lowest valley of woe.
A temporal life shrouded in the fog of an eternal existence.
Like a beached whale gasping for breath on the shore.
It is here I am found.
You approach my huddled mass of a man.
And place me upright, or turn the world upside down.
I can’t really tell anymore.
I’m a thief, but I meant well.
I wanted to give you my best. But I ran like a stray dog.
Look down at my dirty paws.
Heart full of puncture wounds from my dirty claws.
I don’t even know if it works anymore.
Feels like thunder is inside of there or something.
But it’s Yours. You can have it.
It has become too heavy for me to carry.
I hand it over, this time willingly.
The exchange happens without a word, but is broken with two.
He holds it up in the light.
Looking though my heart and into my eyes,
“It’s perfect.”
firebeardblog 
dang, josh. you nailed it again!
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Gulp…Sigh. Amazing!
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Josh…..I commented on your post…..not sure why it did not show up….!!! I agree with Laurin…. you have a God given talent……so blessed to see you are using it for Lord…..in such a positive way……only God knows the plan for you……so many people are praying for…Grandpa and I love you dearly….!!!!
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