It Starts When You’re Ready

Gliding now, across the ground.
What is left to be found?
It feels like there is so little time.
Existing in this imaginary wasteland I call my mind.
Shouldn’t I be planning how to save the most souls?
A five-year plan to reach all my goals?
Instead of living in a pensieve.
Revisiting memories like a relative.
Why are you just sitting there?!
Looking at the ceiling til you have grey hair!
When I see this fading world and each person’s misery,
When I stare at the mirror, what does my reflection say to me?
He smirks and raises an eyebrow.
“Are you thinking of giving up now?
Humanity has yet to see it all.”
Then why does the idea of hope seem so small?
Take away comfort and feel everything destabilize.
That was a single wave, already I’ve begun to capsize!
You’ve got to be kidding me!
I thought I had faith times infinity.
Then the wind blew away all I knew.
Suddenly my solid world is see-through.
Tell me what you see.
Definitely not what I seek.
It’s dark out now.
Been that way for a while now.
I look out yonder.
At my land and my fields and I ponder.
Where is it Father?
The promise You promised.
I promise to remain honest.
All of these crops have been grown before.
Thought You said there’s something new in store?
But the shelves of original ideas are out of stock.
I climbed up the mountain, all the way to the tip-top.
For what?
You don’t open books, just to slam them shut.
Helped me out of my head, just to get me stuck.
Thought this would be like a flower that blooms.
Instead I feel like I’m running on fumes.
I guess I gotta do what I have to.
“It starts when you’re ready?”
But how will I ever be?
Supposed to stay present while living for eternity?
In the moment, I forget everything You said to me.
Maybe this is why I don’t look people in the eyes.
Because I’d feel responsible for what they don’t realize.
And have nothing to say from the inside.
Like a failed experiment, in a human disguise.
A let down,
Of what was designed as profound.
Or possibly I’ve shifted my gaze to myself.
Lost my life’s focus of God Himself.
That’d explain the restlessness that cuts my heart.
A self-inflicted slow bleed tearing me apart.
Still I face the empty page with empty lines.
And I’m still fine and I don’t know why.
A fear that I’ll actually succeed,
Sources my immobility as the new breed.
Successful at what, I still don’t know.
Every time it’s almost in focus, it begins to snow.
Yet You say, “It starts when you’re ready.
The things you hold above your head, they’re heavy.
They black out the sun, they choke out the breeze.
Once again, let nature be refreshing.
All of these steps you take lost in your own reflection,
I promise you, not a single one is in the wrong direction.
Your footprints in this earth have made an impression.
They have filled with water, and I have set you in motion.
Your stagnant puddles really lead to the ocean.
I am all around you, not only above.
My little giant, let Me teach you to love.”

by-sandra-dieckmann
Sandra Dieckmann

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